Prepositional Phrases

Ride was accepted into the astronaut program and began preparing for a space mission; trained both physically and mentally.

Ride was accepted into the astronaut program and began preparing for a space mission by training both physically and mentally.

Ride was accepted into the astronaut program and began preparing for a space mission: trained both physically and mentally.

Ride was accepted into the astronaut program and began preparing for a space mission and she training both physically and mentally.

Attempting one shallow takeoff after another and each time banging itself against the glass.

It attempted one shallow takeoff after another. Each time "banging" itself against the glass.

It attempted one shallow takeoff after another. Each time it "banged" itself against the glass.

It attempted one shallow takeoff after another, each time banging itself against the glass.

Change We girls to Us girls

Change lot's to lots

Change but none to but without none

No change needs to be made in this sentence.

Change broke free to breaks free

Insert a comma after atmosphere

Change country's to countries

Insert a comma after ceiling

The 11-year-old also began writing a diary it detailed what was happening in her region of Pakistan.

The 11-year-old also began writing a diary. With details about what was happening in her region of Pakistan.

The 11-year-old also began writing a diary that detailed what was happening in her region of Pakistan.

The sentences are written correctly in the paper.