APR7 Revising

Sentence 5 contains repeated information. What is the BEST way to revise this sentence?

(4) Jamie's heart raced with excitement and he thought about where the tree was located. (5) He was so excited and he wondered where the tree was and what could be buried beneath it.  What is being repeated?  Partner share thumbs up.

What revision should be made in sentence 6?

(6) Jamie ran the map to show his grandpa who was downstairs.

What is the BEST way to combine sentences 7 and 8?

(7) Grandpa smiled and said, “That tree is in the town park.” (8) And Jamie grabbed his raincoat and dashed outside.  FANBOYS!

Jamie has not used the BEST choice of words in sentence 10. Which phrase should replace way too hard in this sentence?

(10) Once there, he realized the map was way too hard to read than he expected.

INDEPENDENT: What is the BEST way to revise sentence 13?

(13) Something clicked he recognized a familiar rock drawn on the map.

Which transition is best to add to the beginning of sentence 16?

(16) Jamie noticed something sticking out of the ground behind the rock.

INDEPENDENT: Jamie needs to add a topic sentence for the third paragraph (sentences 17–23). Which sentence should be added just before sentence 17 as the topic sentence for this paragraph?  HINT: What were the last two sentences of  paragraph 2  about?

(17) His fingers brushed against cool glass. (18) It was a small bottle with a rolled-up note inside! (19) Carefully, he pulled out the paper, but it was too faded to read. (20) Disappointed but determined, he sprinted back home. (21) Grandpa held the paper up to the sunlight, and slowly, the letters became clearer. (22) It was a riddle, a clue leading to another hidden treasure! (23) He suddenly remembered that he forgot to feed his dog that morning.

Which change can be made to improve the clarity of sentence 19?

(19) Carefully, he pulled out the paper, but it was too faded to read.

Jamie would like to add a sentence to bring the paragraph to a more effective conclusion. Which sentence should be added after sentence 22 to help achieve this goal?

Jamie has included an extraneous sentence in the third paragraph (sentences 17–24). Which sentence should be deleted from this paragraph?