Thanks for the Feedback by the GOATS

Open: Often skipped but gives purpose of the conversation

Body: listening, asserting, processing, problem solving

Close: clarify commitments, action steps, follow up

​​Parts of a Convo

​1. Identify the type of feedback

2. Suggestion or command

3. Final or negotiable?

​​Clarify Purpose

• Mirror neuron response

• wired for empathy

• trouble with curiosity when feeling triggered

​​​ ​ Internal Voice

​Trigger Internal Voice

"That's wrong!" "That's not helpful!"
Truth "After all I've done for you?"



Relationship "You're the problem, not me."



Identity "I screw everything up."
"I'm doomed."

Impacts that I am having I may not be aware of because of my blind spots


can you give me an example?

Truth

​ What are each of us contributing to the issue?




what is most upsetting to you and why?

Releationship

​ What is my wiring-how do I talk myself through?




what could I change that would matter most?

​​Identity

​Pitfall: "That advice is wrong."
Better: "I disagree with that advice."


Pitfall: "You're a self-centered jerk!"
Better: "It's hard for me to focus. I think we need to discuss how I feel as well as your feedback."


Pitfall: "It's true. I'm helpless."
Better: "I am surprised by all this and it is a lot to take in. I want some time to digest this."

• Figure out what you've agreed on

• So not to be disappointed by lack of progress

• "Let's talk tomorrow."

​

​Close with a Commitment

• "I react better when you present your feedback as an idea"

• Discuss roles and mutual expectations-negotiate

​​Coach your Coach:

• do not erect barriers

• do not make demands

​​Coach your Coach is NOT:

• some

• sometimes

​It's not all and always

• try it on

• try it out

Don't Decide Immediately

two co workers both want to share advice with each other but they feel uninvited to offer help

​Example:

• ask for help

• open up

• make list to stay on track

​Try: